Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
