When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
