It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
