he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
