U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
