i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
