For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
