just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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