Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
