I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize