i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
