he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
