Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
