matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
