Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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