Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
