Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
