I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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