I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
