Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
