I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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