Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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