I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
