Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
