Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
