i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
