There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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