Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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