Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
