this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
