she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
