i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
