Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
