i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
