a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
