i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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