Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
