Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just cut my nipple shaving
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
