I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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