she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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