just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I checked into jail on foursquare
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize