Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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