i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize