i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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