walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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