dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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