his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
