how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize