I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
