Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
