There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
