Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Pants are for mortals
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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