Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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