My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
