return my video game
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
