All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
