I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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