You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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