The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
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