the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
