just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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