..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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