i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
