There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
