Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
