I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
