Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
birth control should be required to get into college
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
