totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
