After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize