He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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