If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize