Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
do herpes really smell.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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