Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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