I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's blow job season.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
