Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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