I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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