We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
