I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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