I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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