She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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