Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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