hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
