I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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