too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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