hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
