i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
