god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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