I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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