haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
