shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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