The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
