I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
