I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
