i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
