first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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