I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
