I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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