DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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