in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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